Monday, January 25, 2010

A New Breed of Crazy

Sometimes, certain brands of crazy are so bizarre that they don't even merit responses. They make you ask yourself, "Are these people really trying to be legitimate, or have I lost the ability to see through trolls?" And I'm really hoping it's the latter.

I was on YouTube tonight when I came across a reaction to this video, "Raise The Dead." I'm not going to expect you to watch the whole thing, but I'd like to give you a piece of the transcript.

I want to talk to you today about raising the dead. It's a reality that's happening all over the world today, in increasing momentum and numbers. Many people are being raised from the dead all over the United States and the third world countries all around the world. It's a very exciting day to be living in. Did you know that Jesus actually commanded us to raise the dead? Isn't that something?

Yes, it is quite something. I'm not very inclined to believe that it's a "reality" since, I don't know, I'd think more people would have heard about it - especially if it happened in the US. Unfortunately, in case his baseless claims weren't enough, he goes on.

He said we could. He commanded us in the context of sending out the disciples, of whom we are, to raise the dead. [He then quotes Matthew 10:7-8.] You know, the evidence of the presence of the operation of the Kingdgom of God is this - it's these very things. The sick are healed, the leopards [sic] are cleansed, the dead are raised, and the demons are cast out.

Wow, so now all Christians are commanded to heal lepers and resurrect dead people? Man, Jesus has been really behind on his death reversal quota. That's no surprise though, and I doubt anyone would really disagree with me. The reason we know people don't come back to life is because it doesn't actually happen. But that's no problem for this guy, as he continues:

Westernized Christians, I believe, have made raising the dead much too difficult. It's like this unapproachable place where you have to have this ultimate super level of hyper-faith, and if you don't have it, don't even try it. Can I just tell you that's really not true?

Oh, dear God. (Literally.) You know, what? Maybe he's right. Maybe we are making it too difficult. After all, it shouldn't be that hard. Just, you know, uh... pray and stuff and everything will be OK! Their lifeless corpses will suddenly spring back to life, looking for a hot meal and a warm bed! Sounds like this guy's legit with no chance of insincerity.

It takes faith, that is true. But don't talk yourself out of it. Let me give you a story about how God used me to raise two people from the dead. Maybe that will help you have some courage to do the very same thing.

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! And here I was having so much fun, pounding this guy, when all the while he has two stories up his sleeve. Let's listen to his irrefutable story.

I was in Uganda, Africa, doing some crusades, preaching and teaching there which I love to do. One afternoon I was in a large meeting ... and was about 2/3 the way through my message when they came through and interrupted me. And they asked me to come and pray for this woman. ... And so I consented and went with them and I'm walking with them about ten minutes away from the place where we were meeting. ... Here I am with two guys (I don't know them) and I'm walking out in this tall grass in Africa ... All of a sudden, we come upon this African woman laying face down in the dirt in the grass, dead. And I mean, very dead. Where rigor mortis had set in. I don't know how many hours that takes but she was stiff...

Yes, that's what the world needs now - more crusades! In all seriousness though, what the heck does it mean to be "very dead?" Is it more dead than regular dead? Had she already moved past the first circle of hell? You're not a doctor and you don't even pretend to be, nor am I sure what (if anything) in this story is true. Of course you wouldn't know how long it takes for rigor mortis to set in (about twelve hours). But you don't care and neither do I.

If you moved one part of her body, her whole body moved, so I knew she had been dead for a while. Now I looked at her and I looked at the guys, and this is what I'm thinking: "Couldn't this have waited? This woman's dead. I mean, where is she going? Are you with me?"

Oh yeah, I'm with you. You and two guys found this dead chick in a field and some crazy stuff's 'bout to happen. I'm all ears.

I mean I was not in a hyper-faith super, you know, faith mode here. I was preaching a meeting, I was disrupted, I was brought to find a woman who was dead. So I looked at this woman and was mad at the devil that he made her dead to interrupt my meeting and a little upset with these guys and I just looked at that woman and said, "I command you in the name of Jesus to come to life, now!" And you know what?

Yeah, that's usually my first thought when I stumble upon a dead corpse. "Damn you, Satan! If only you had used your invisible wiles to kill someone else that wouldn't have interrupted my preaching!" But of course, it didn't stop there. He had to take it one notch above eleven on the crazy scale and just command that dead woman as though she could hear him. I'd like to hear what happens next...
And she did. She sat straight up.


Out of being totally dead - her eyes were very wide. I don't know if she'd ever seen a white man. I could not imagine what was going through her mind. She jumped up and began to run as fast as she could away from us.

Unbelievable. You supposedly raised her from the dead and you think her face is full of surprise because you're a WHITE MAN?! Words can't express. How about this explanation: You didn't actually check the body but rather screamed into the ears of a woman napping in the shade, scaring the hell out of her? How does that sound for a plausible explanation?

This guy goes on talking about how the guys tackled her and brought her back to the pastor's house where she stole some money, leaped out a window, got tackled again, and eventually accepted Jesus Christ and is now a living Christian. I won't give you the details, but rest assured it's a funny story that you really just have to hear to get the full impact.

He then starts talking about how later, he came upon a baby that had died, which caused him to have compassion saying, "Baby, you're too young to die," so he literally loved it back to life. I'm not kidding. I was rolling in my seat, laughing at the hilarity of the story. It's not so funny in itself, but rather in the sincere way the man is telling it. That story starts at 6:05 in the clip and I highly recommend you watch it. It's really just too good to pass up.

Now I'm really not saying that all Christians are like this or that this guy represents anything the readers of this blog do. But I wonder, if he really thinks that he has this power, why doesn't he just go on nationwide hospital tours healing every sick and dead man, woman, and baby? I'm sure he could make a decent living from his resurrection ministry donations. Hell, even if he didn't, anybody who had that power and didn't use it in a similar way wouldn't be worth spitting on. He could at least use his "hyper-faith" (whatever that is) and pray everyone on the globe back to perfect health. That certainly isn't out of the question for an omnipotent God.

But he won't, He won't, and He doesn't. You don't have to be a computer scientist to figure out that this guy is full of crap. I'm only responding to this because I do think that there are some people who would take this man at his word and think it somehow proves something. They would then go on to use it as a witnessing tool and end up frustrated in a corner when their life-restoring powers aren't quite up to par.

If Jesus tells us to raise the dead, that's actually significant. You can add this to the list of things the Bible promises but doesn't deliver on (with powers to heal the sick by praying, speaking in tongues, and drinking poison). I'm not trying to rag on the Bible or Christianity or Christians in general, but I just couldn't resist commenting on something as hilarious as this. If you thought this was funny or if you disagree, leave me a comment and let me know.


Post a Comment