The Epic Plan of Salvation

According to Christian theology, God is a perfectly holy, moral, just, forgiving, and loving God. Basically, omni-everything-good. He lives up in the perfect "universe" of heaven where everyone is always happy (except for one Satan person and about 1/3 of the angels). God was just so loving that he decided to make humans so that they could also experience the pleasure and joy that heaven brings. Well, that heaven-on-earth brings. (It's close. Or at least, it was. 'Til it became un-perfect.) Unfortunately, God hates it when people do things that are so not in his nature. Not even things like undisputed moral wrongs, but things that he just decides to be wrong. (Sorry, gay people.) He can't stand them so much that he won't allow anyone to be in his presence if they have but even the faintest hint of sin on them. (Sin being anything that God doesn't like. He's picky with his company that way.)

Unfortunately, because Adam and Eve got fooled by a really ingenious snake/Satan, we're all naturally sinners! (Yes, it's fair. Trust me.) Because of this, we can't be with God when we die because we've either all done wrong or are just inherently unworthy from birth. Due to the fact that God can't coexist with sin, nothing imperfect is allowed into heaven and in his presence. (Satan is the exception.) Naturally, it follows that all humans must go to hell and be tortured forever and ever, no matter how much or little flawed they may be or however good or bad they lived their lives. Yes, that means you.

BUT - God doesn't want you to suffer! It's true. Because he's a logical God, he did the best that he could to provide you a way out of your suffering. (A thoughtful guy, eh?) Dispel any notions you may have conjured up about what you might do if you were an all-knowing god in this situation, because Yahweh is going to blow your mind. Here it is: For the vast majority of humankind, men were bad. (All of them.) In order for them to be forgiven for their sins, they had to slaughter the most perfect of their cattle, sprinkle their freshly-squeezed blood upon the altar, and burn the body as a pleasing aroma to the Lord. (I know, it makes so much sense!) However, God, being the ultimate Planner that he is, knew that this wouldn't work forever. (Well, he originally thought it would but then came up with an even BETTER idea!) Because God is unchanging (...mostly), he couldn't just outright modify his requirements for forgiveness. (That would just be silly.) So he did the next best thing - find a loophole. Because he needed to nip sacrifices in the bud once and for all, he decided to make a physical copy of himself. (Starting to make sense?)

He would send himself down to earth to live a normal human life (minus all of that nasty sinning and inherited sinful nature). He'd show that it is in fact possible to live a perfect life while being mortal - proving that he was actually God and that we don't live up to his standards. (Whether it's easy to be sinless if you're the definition of non-sin is still up for grabs.) But get this: instead of wimping out and just forgiving everybody instantaneously, he decides to show how much he loves us. (And get around those pesky laws.) What's the loophole, you ask? Well, God requires a perfect sacrifice, but one animal can only pay the price for one (or a few) sins (but not all of them) but Jesus (being God) (and human) in his eternal nature could pay the price for ALL of our sins! Hallelujah!

God brutally whipped and beat his own son (who was actually him) beyond human recognition and killed him in a most gruesome manner to appease himself so that he could officially forgive everyone without going against the laws that he himself made so that we could all go to heaven. He took the punishment for our crimes against him! (Well, except the suffering in Hell forever part.) And, to top it all off, on the third day (or second, depending on how closely you listen to calendars), he rose up from the grave, came back to life, and floated away into heaven! (Yes, it is a sacrifice even if the sacrificee doesn't technically stay dead.) (And yes, it's still a sacrifice even when you know you're going to get it back.)

The best part about it all is that it's FREE! Yes, anyone and everyone can now go to heaven and spend the rest of eternity in the exclusive God Won't Torture You Forever Club! You don't have to do anything to be eligible for this wonderful forgiveness. Well, except believe. You have to believe that all of this happened just like it was said and on the basis of that belief (and not your knowledge of the evidence or lack thereof) will your eternity rest. It really makes so much sense when you think about an omnipotent God doing what will save the most amount of souls, considering all other possibilities. (Why would he settle for a second-best plan? Looking at the ratio of saved to damned, I'd say this scheme is first-rate.) How could you imagine doing anything differently? (Remember: your eternal soul depends on how you answer that question.)

You... do believe, don't you?